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Happy (??) New year

Good morning 2012.

My wicked friend’s prediction for New Year –

Sachin will finally score his hundredth century and we will all forget Melbourne disaster. TV channels will code and decode his life – how he proved he was a genius right from childhood by holding his diaper like a cricket bat etc for at least one week.

By then, we would have seen a few more batting disasters from Indian team and we will start talking about VVS Laxman’s age, Virat Kohli’s extra curricular nocturnal activities, Shewag’s arrogance and  Gambhir’s bad luck post marriage and why Manoj Tiwari should replace somebody in the team.

Thankfully, by mid Feb, our focus will shift to  elections in Uttar Pradesh and “yuvraj” Rahul Gandhi will start getting eye balls. Every body and his or her grandmother will be on TV predicting election results of 5 states going to polls. Hopefully, Anna and team will be back on TV. I am missing Shazia Ilmi very badly already.

Petrol prices will go up again and economic slowdown will continue but Montek will continue to sing that we are on the right path. Mamta will continue to ruin the sleep of Congress leaders. Meanwhile, some more countries in Europe will run to Germany for help and soon the toughest question on KBC would be “what is Euro ?”

BJP and Congress will continue to disrupt parliament and we will continue to wonder why our politicians are not yet thrown to Arabian sea. It is now time for us to worry about the end of the world – remember 21st December 2012 !!!!. All the more reason for everybody in government to loot everything because anyway there will be nothing to loot after the ‘D’ day.

If we are lucky, we might get one more great bum shaking song from either Katrina or Kareena. Unfortunately, no famous actress (my wicked friend doesn’t believe Lara Dutta or Celina Jaitley as either famous or actress) is known to be pregnant yet and no celebrity birth

Now we know what to expect in the new year.  Happy New year.


Anna – will you end up as the Abhimanyu of today’s Mahabharata ?

My wicked friend who is an ardent follower of Anna, has started throwing up whenever he sees the three musketeers on TV – Kiran Bedi, Arvind Kejriwal and Prashant Bhushan. These  three characters have destroyed the old man Anna both physically and mentally.

Poor Anna is not able to come out of their shackles and struggling. Now he will be forced to do something which will destroy all his reputation once and for all – Campaigning against Congress in assembly polls.

The argument of the three cronies which is parroted by other members of India Against Corruption is the most ridiculous argument ever heard in modern history. Every time they defend their action against Congress, they leave a huge trail of evidence to show that they are working for BJP. Nobody would have bothered about their views but unfortunately they are using Anna’s shoulders to fire their bullets. Here are a few of the contradictions.

They want the Lokpal at the centre but will not utter a word when the bill tries to include Lokayuktas in the state also. BJP doesn’t want this and the three cartoons don’t say a word.

They want Prime Minister under Lokpal but the best Lokayukta passed by BJP excludes the Chief Minister. The three are silent on this and have not uttered one word against this.

They want C and D category under Lokpal. But most Lokayuktas don’t have C and D categories. Again deafening silence.

In one breath, they say the problems of common man has to be solved but in another breath they want control over CBI. It is the Lokayuktas which handle your day to day problem and they don’t have anything to say against states which have no Lokayukta. Gujarat is a classic case of no Lokayukta.

The ultimate insult to intelligence is when people like Kirron Kher and Anupam Kher start participating in debates. They are doing more harm to Anna than any good. They are strengthening the belief that Anna is working for BJP. The only saving grace is the pretty face of Shazia Ilmi. Atleast, she wears designer dresses for TV debates and is there on all channels with a smile.

Poor Anna is like Abhimanyu. He has got into a chakravyuh and but struggling to come out. Let us just pray that his fate will not be the same as that of Abhimanyu.

Not everybody’s brain is in the head

The feeling one goes through when parliament is in session is like a ‘bollywood movie’. You can smile, sob, laugh loudly and cry in a span of one hour. Anyway, parliament is not working beyond one hour these days.

One just can’t but admire the innovative ways that our politicians adopt to stall work. The latest reason is “Russia is banning Bhagwat Gita”. Mr. Lalu Prasad Yadav was jumping up and down on this issue. What he doesn’t realize is that Lord Krishna would himself have banned it in India if he could take another ‘avatar’ today.

Jayalalitha has proved once and for all that you don’t need brain to be a Chief minister. For her, there is no difference between her slippers, sarees and nuclear plant. Everything is considered gifts and she can own and disown them whenever she wants.

The Leaders of BJP have also proved that brain is an unwanted organ of the body. First they boycott Chidambaram and don’t allow him to speak in Parliament. Then they move a privilege motion because he spoke outside parliament when the Parliament is in session !!!.

Less said about Congress leaders, the better. All that they have done in the last 2 years proves that brain was never used to run the country. Add to the above woes, Barka Dutt, Rajdeep Sardesai, Arnab Goswami and  Rahul Kanwal – you have a plateful.

My wicked friend is praying that the satellites which beam the signal go dead for a few days so that we have some respite. Amen !

It is not easy to be an Indian

I was away from blogging for more than two months now. But, it appears very little has happened – Anna continues to threaten government with fasting everyday. Kiran Bedi and Co quickly clarify that “only Anna” will be fasting. Somebody gets slapped for inflation and Mohandas Pai continues to make a fool of himself on TV by trying to relate completely unrelated things – now we know why Narayana Murthy denied him Director’s post in Infosys.

Dhanush (Rajnikant’s son-in-law) has gifted us a “Kolaveri” word which can be used billion times in our everyday life. Veena Malik has tried to show whatever “assets” she has. Meanwhile, our “sardar” spinner is robbed of his passport also – I guess somebody is trying to make sure that he doesn’t go to Australia even if all our bowlers are injured. Yuvraj has managed a sympathy wave for himself. Pity, he is not contesting in any elections.

Sachin continues to make us wait. I guess he will not score his 100th century unless the government assures him of Bharat Ratna title. Vinod Kambli has given hope to millions of Ranji trophy cricketers that one day they can also comment on cricket in NEO cricket channel – level of cricket analysis is falling faster than Indian Rupee against dollar.

Finally, Congress has given up on Indian Aviation industry. They have got rid of it by giving the ministry to Ajit Singh – what a bargain buy for congress !! Mamta Banerjee is now confused – one day she has to blame congress for fuel price hike, next day CPM for hospital fire, third day again congress for FDI and fourth day again CPM for “Hooch” tragedy. Imagine, if BJP was also a big party in Bengal what would have been her fate – Seven days in a week would not have been sufficient.

Finally, Montek Singh continues to blabber that economy is resilient and inflation will come under control soon. Now, you see why it is not easy to be an Indian. Thankfully, THE YEAR IS COMING TO AN END.

Merry Christmas and a very happy new year.

Anna, for heaven’s sake stop acting like a small kid

My wicked friend is the most disillusioned person today. He was in the fore front of Anna’s fast and was delighted after the fast ended with the promise of Lokpal bill in winter session of parliament.

However, last few weeks have been very cruel to him. He was miffed by the ‘childish’ logic of Arvind Kejriwal about campaigning against Congress in Hissar. He is equally sad that both Kiran Bedi and Kejriwal continue to abuse Congress ministers when they depend on them for passing the bill.

He just can’t understand the logic of Kejriwal. In one breath he says he wanted to put pressure on Congress and hence campaigning against them in Hissar and at the same time he doesn’t hesitate to abuse the same congress in every forum he gets. Common sense says you don’t abuse the person from whom you are expecting something to be done.

Anna again did another blunder. He went into “Maun Vrat”. Ideally he should have asked his famous trio of Kejriwal, Bedi and Prashanth Bhushan to do Maun Vrat for at least six months. So, the net result – foot in the mouth comments by the trio over and over again. All the good work done during the famous fast ruined in a few days.

My friend thinks Anna is equally jobless like me. Otherwise, why would he keep threatening like a small kid that he would go for another fast if Lokpal bill is not passed in the winter session ? Congress knows very well what happened during the last fast and there is no need to keep telling that there would be another fast. By repeating this every day, even the most ardent fans of Anna are getting very embarrassed.

For a change, Anna should talk about upcoming India -West Indies cricket series. Because when it comes to cricket, we can talk endlessly especially after our recent revenge victory over England.

Is Destiny another name for Foolishness

We have a habit of disguising our foolishness and blaming it on destiny. We have a house help who is sixty plus – we call her Mrs. B and she earns Rs. 4,000 a month (roughly USD 70 a month). She is not in the best of health and we make sure that she doesn’t do anything which tires her.

Her son earns a salary of approximately Rs. 12,000 and the family of 5 is run with an income of Rs. 16,000 per month. This obviously puts them in a low income category and gives them all the right to abuse our finance minister for not being able to manage inflation. She blames destiny for her present state. They don’t spend money for accommodation as she is staying in her own house which is built on a 1200 sq ft plot the market value of which today is Rs. 75 lakhs !!!!!.

During one of her ‘minister bashing morning” my wicked friend who visits us frequently couldn’t resist but point out to her that she can easily move into upper middle class if she wanted. Here is the solution offered by my friend to her. Sell the property for 72 lakhs and invest in State bank of India fixed deposit at interest rate of 9.75% per annum. This will get her a monthly interest of Rs. 60,000 and with her son’s salary of Rs. 12,000 she has now Rs. 72,000 per month. Even if she takes a 3 bedroom house on rent which costs Rs. 18,000 a month, her remaining money of more than 50,000 will allow her to lead a great life from TODAY. All this with 75 lakhs still in the bank !!!

But her answer puzzled us. She feels the property will be worth 1 crore in the next 3 to 4 years. She is willing to live in poverty today for a distant richness. I am sure when the property reaches 1 cr, she will wait for it to reach 1.5 cr.

This is not just the story of Mrs. B. This is how all of us live – We pass on family gold from grand mothers to mothers to grand daughter stashed in an antique Godrej Almirah, keep the ancestral property for generations and continue to work till we drop dead. The excuse – we are working for a golden tomorrow.  I hope all of us will be alive to see THAT golden tomorrow.

“Amma” Jayalalitha, you should be in the company of gods and goddesses

We the people of Karnataka are the privileged lot. First, our own elected leaders loot us, then our courts make us pay for the hospital expenses of the jailed politicians and now the supreme court nails us by telling us that we should give Z-category protection for Amma Jayalalitha to prove her “innocence” in the courts of Karnataka for her looting of Tamil Nadu.

Amma on her part, deserves to have a place with our gods and goddesses. She just doesn’t know how so many slippers, sarees, gold chains, silver wares and properties were in her name. She believes that it was a god’s miracle that they happened to be in her place when the raid took place and they actually do not belong to her.

To utter this nonsense, she spent crores of rupees on her helicopter ride from Chennai to Bangalore and our judges in Karnataka set up a separate ‘safe’ temporary court for her and spent a few more crores on her security.

Looks like it is more exciting to be corrupt. It is like being a villain in a hindi movie. He gets to enjoy with the heroine for most part of the film and the poor hero probably gets to have intimate moments only for the last few minutes.

No wonder, we have a phenomenal sense of humour – just that most of the times it is a poor joke on ourselves.